Are you a fitness werewolf?

Tobias Sjösten

By Tobias Sjösten on 22 Dec, 2019

A CrossFit L1 Trainer, BJJ practitioner, strength aficionado, and vegan. Building muscles without eating them!

In ancient lore, werewolves were part of the supernatural fauna; a shapeshifter that could turn into a mix between wolf and man. These beasts stalked the nights, looking for maidens to devour and peasants to turn.

We may laugh today at how ridiculous it is to believe in such a thing but I proffer that werewolves are alive and well still in this age. What’s worse, you might be one yourself!

Are you a fitness werewolf?

Werewolves back in the days were sturdy creatures. You couldn’t simply shoot them with a bow, drown them in a lake, or set them ablaze, and expect it to end them.

No, you needed something much more potent.

You needed a special bullet made out of precious metal. A silver bullet.

This rare weapon was the only thing that could stop werewolves. Incidentally, it could also kill vampires, ghouls, witches, and all kinds of monsters. How convenient, no?

The silver bullet – one solution to deal with all problems. Which brings us to today.

Modern werewolves

I’m sure you know a friend who’s tried to lose weight for years, never succeeding. Or a colleague claiming to be a “hard-gainer”, who just can’t seem to put on weight.

Every time you meet them, they have, once again, finally, found a new magical solution that will turn their life around and solve all their problems.

One month they start every morning with a tablespoon of vinegar – that will surely take care of that stubborn belly pouch. Next month, they’ve taken a vow to never eat carbs again – yay, finally a solution for that double chin.

And the third month they’ve begun something completely different but just as awe-inspiring and will have forgotten about all those other #lifehacks they left by the wayside.

Of course, when you question the efficiency of their chosen methods, the reason they didn’t work out was never the thing itself but always something external. The timing was wrong, their plans changed, there was a full moon, or what have you.

Well, congratulations, you’ve met a modern werewolf – someone particularly vulnerable to silver bullets. This sucks because nowadays there’s a neverending supply of it.

Silver bullets

For every one of your problems, there are countless “gurus”, ready to sell you their ultimate one-size-fits-all solution. They might look different but they’re all the same.

Caveman food, carbophobia, anti-inflammatory diets, butter coffee, gluten-scares, water fasts, colon cleanses, detox teas, raw food, and alkaline diets. Same crap, different name.

What they have in common, is that they all play into a fundamental human weakness. Or inhuman weakness, if you’re not fed up with the analogy yet, because there’s a little werewolf living in every one of us.

We are all inherently averse to hardship and forever seeking comfort. It’s only natural to want to stay in the sofa instead of going to the gym for a tough workout. If you wouldn’t rather have cake than do a heavy set of deadlifts, there’s something wrong with you.

And that’s exactly what these peddlers of silver bullets prey upon. They sell their special cake, promising the strength of a deadlifter – a lie we more than happily buy into.

Curing lycanthropy

Lycanthropy – the curse of being a werewolf – is the norm. We’re all part werewolves, in that we naturally seek comfort and default to taking the path of least resistance.

But doing what’s easy makes you soft. And avoiding what’s hard makes you weak.

However, the reverse is also true!

So the cure is obvious: we force ourselves to endure discomfort and we do what’s tough.

This can not only cure us of lycanthropy but can even make us immune to the onslaught of the weakness mongers. By focusing on doing what’s hard and not even caring whether their snake oil works on not – those silver bullets can’t touch us.

If we sprint fast, if we lift heavy, and if we fuel ourselves with nutritious food. If we train hard and consistently, especially when we don’t feel like it, and if we avoid repeatedly indulging in crap food, in particular, when temptingly delicious.

Then we’ll become more powerful than any fantasy creature could ever dream to be.